Enough !!

Hurt. Jealous. Sad.

Those are the feelings that keep swinging on my heart. They just dont want to go. How can i ever chase them away? I am not that strong. Bullshit. I was never strong. All i did was swallowing all those things up and pretending that nothing had happened. 

I want to tell the world how hurt I am. But i just can't.

I can't take this anymore. I have been crying for the past three nights. I thought that this morning, I would wake up with a wide smile on my face. But that just never happen. Yet, I continue crying, even now, early in the morning.

Waking up with a shattered heart, knowing that you have betrayed someone and at the same time knowing that you have been betrayed by someone else, how would that feel? Of course your heart would turn to dust straight away. I have totally lose hope in humanity. 

I hate this new self of mine. Full of emotions and keep on crying every time. I want my old self back, where I can kill every single insect that I found without feeling sad, where I can damage every thing I see in front of me without feeling guilty. But now, what have I turned into?

Having a strong memory is good, some said that. But you know what? It sucks !! Those memories kill me deep within. Not just those, ALL OF THEM ARE !! Some said that without those memories, I can't be the 'ME' now. But what is the functions of the new 'me' if it just make me keep on crying days and nights?

Sometimes I think 'if i run away, my guarantors would be in trouble. But they wouldn't if i die, right?' But worry not my friends. I still can think straight. I know it is not the best solution of all.

I just want to be my old self, emotionless, care nothing about anything, everything.