Wastage??

I think the word "wastage" itself is weird. :O

Last night, this guy really surprised me.

Please ignore this pic of his. Stolen from his fb. Hahaha

We had dinner together, right before our small group discussions. But this week, I joined Billy's instead of his. So thats that. The thing that I want to talk about is how he did something that I want to do ever since I came here. 

Hmmm. 

What did he do last night?? :O :O :O

He waited at the tray place, I dont know how to explain it but basically that is the place where students put their tray after they are done eating. I am talking about the residence halls' cafeteria (ala2 dorm gitu). So, he waited there for people who didnt finish eating their food but want to throw it away and ask for it. It is not that he is a cheapskate or anything. NO HE IS NOT. That is what I am sure of. Siap aa korg kalau korg say bad things about him. He is my friend. My DEAR FRIEND !! He has this thing in his heart. I dont know how to say it but I can feel it. You will know if you meet him in person. You will definitely know what I am babbling about. Okayy. Enough of him. 

Minus the fact that I cant eat everything here due to the food restrictions and all that (you know what I mean), I would definitely do what he did last night. Coz there were few times that I want to do the same but it is either I didnt have the guts to do it or the food fell under a no-no category. Coz some of the food looked untouched wehh. Sapa x hangin kalau nampak kau buang food like the whole plate of em. -..- He even asked to share his food but yeahh, there was chickens in it. :'( 

So that is the background info. The thing that I want to talk about is about throwing away food. I dont know why but I just cant accept it. Maybe because I love eating so much?? Maybe. Sayang perut beb. Hahaha But sayang kot kalau kau g buang all those food that you can actually eat or somebody else to eat it. Yeahh. One of the excuse would be "Aku dah kenyang aa." "Food ni banyak sangat." "Aku dah abes makan aa ni." 

Kepala hotak kau. -..-

Kadang2 same thing happen with sayur dan kawan2. Kesian tau kesian?? 

There are lots of different ways that we can do to prevent such things from happening. Lu pepandai laa fikir sendiri. Banyak bro banyak. 

Tau tak berapa ramai org kebuluran kat luar sana yg kau suka suki je nak bebuang makanan??

Tau tak berapa ramai org kat luar sana yg makanan dorg kena catu??

Tau tak berapa ramai org kat luar sana yg makan untuk hidup, cukup2 je, dan bukan buat mandi mcm kita ni??

Tau tak berapa ramai org kat luar sana yg nak beli makanan pun kena fikir dua kali??

Tau tak?? Tau tak??

Kalau kau tanya aku, aku pun ckp xtau.

"Ek eleh. kecoh laa lu minah. Sendiri pun xtau. Gebang je."

-..-

I admit the fact that I dont know about them in exact figures. But I do concern bout them. But I do aware that even the slightest thing I do would affect them. Butterfly effect beb.

Malas aa cakap. Pepandai aa korg.

"Normal" Days

HECTIC

As always...

I would have things/classes/discussion/work/all the things that you could ever imagined from as early as 7.45am till 9.00pm for Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Where as for the other day such as Tuesdays, Saturdays and Sundays, they would also start as early as 8am but only till about 4pm. Maybe. MAYBE. But usually I would have something else that doesnt fit into the other days, being pushed to those "shorter" days, thus making those short days longer. If you know what I mean. -_- So, thats basically it. Sorry guys. :* 

Hebrew 1 : 1-4

Haa kawan-kawan. Hari ini kita kembali lagi dalam rancangan... (bedushh) *tumbuk diri sendiri*

Okayy. So tonight I went to Blackhawk Church. Ohh yeahh. Now aku g church pulak. Apa?? Aku dah tukar agama ke hape?? Dah buang tebiat nak mampus g church bagai?? So what?? Kisah laa pulak aku orang nak kata apa pun. Lantak laa ngn depa tu.

I dont know why. But now I have been looking for Islam in a different direction. Not to say that I want to get out of Islam or anything. It is just that aku lebih senang nampak kelebihan Islam dan kekurangan diri aku ni bila aku dekat dengan Kristian. Again. I want to emphasize it is not how you see it. It is soo had to describe. Haiyaa. Whatever that is. Now we'll talk about Hebrew 1:1-4. 

In general, it is a very complicated but totally interesting verse of all (so far laa). 

1 In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways 2 but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the whole universe. 3 The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification of all sins, he sat down at the right hand of his Majesty in heaven. 4 So he became as much superior to the angels as the name he has inherited is superior to theirs. 

Well, in short, the pastor gave me all the evidences that he could, from all the other verses, from the science point of view itself, in which I could say that I am impressed with his work. However, I am still me. Still critical with everything that I have in front of me. There is something in the explanations, in their believe that make me even more to not believe them. You could ask me personally if you want to coz I wont mention it here. 

Apart from that, in the culture point of view, aku sangat laa tertarik dengan cara mereka bawak agama mereka dalam kehidupan seharian, in which I really wish that I could do the same too. :'(

Another thing is that, mereka terapkan this kind of culture ever since the kids are small. Program2 kat church dorg pun bagus wa cakap lu. Teringat masjid di kampung halaman, hampehh. Bukan nak kutuk masjid tu, tapi masyarakat setempat dan budaya yang kita ada. Kalau laa nak buat benda yang sama kat negara tanah air tercinta, I wonder how long it would take. Might be forever.

And again, maybe aku dah mention benda ni banyak kali. Tapi bila mereka sebut puji-pujian to their Jesus, nampak khusyuk beb, nampak ikhlas sungguh. Kita hado?? Mau selawat golek2, gelak2, guling2, cuit kanan kiri. 

But actually, despite all these things, I still have a lot of questions that I want to ask them. But somehow I feel inappropriate to ask them coz these questions that I have in mind sangat laa provocative?? racist?? offensive?? I dont know the right words to use to describe it. :/ Whatever that is. 

And there is also something that I learn tonight about Jesus and their rituals which maybe I will share it with you guys in the next post. Keywords : The Last Supper.

Mata mengantuk sudah. Katil panggil sudah. Kerja sekolah tidak siap pula. Lantak laa. Yang penting, esok discussion calculus 3 pada 7.45pg aku datang. That is even more precious than the homework itself. Ehh tak. Both are important but by going to the discussion, I'll get something even more than squeezing my brain for something that is hard for it to interpret. :D

Offering Prayer

Kepala masih lagi diburu resah dan gelisah. Tidak mampu menangkis serangan akal yang tidak putus2 memanjangkan perhubungan. Terpenjara walau badan lepas bebas berlari ke sini sana. 

Another thing that has been bothering my mind - still a lot actually. Haihh. Here we go then. I kinda like how mereka bawak agama mereka dalam kehidupan seharian. So pure, so sincere. They offer random people on the streets for their prayers. 

Case 1 : Sambil menjual brownies untuk disumbangkan kepada persatuan manusia gelandangan.

A customer drop by. She has a cold and looks a lil bit sick. Then this sweet friend of mine ask her, "You want me to pray with you? We can pray together so that God gives you a better health etc." And then mereka pun berdoa di suatu sudut sambil aku menanti pelanggan yang lain. 

Case 2 : Mengalu-alukan kedatangan penceramah jemputan di meja penyambut tetamu.

Penceramah tiba. Secara fizikal, nampak sihat cergas tanpa ada aral menjelma. Dengan penuh ikhlas, salah seorang antara mereka bertanya, "How is your week sir? Do you have any problems or difficulties that you face?" "No. Everything is fine." "Or anything that has been bothering you? We can pray together... (butir2 perbualan tidak dapat dikenal pasti kerana mereka semakin jauh kehadapan)." And then three of them make a small circle and pray together. Aku hanya mampu mengintai dari kejauhan. 

Case 3 : Ni laa yang paling tacing sekali. Watak utama : Aku laa. Siapa lagi?? -.-

Tiba di perkarangan kelas sedikit tercungap-cungap. Biasalah. Sudahlah lambat, gemuk pula. Mungkin di pagi hari aku tersedak air liur sendiri. Entah di mana silapnya, aku terbatuk-batuk sendiri. Then, the most tacing-estestest part is that he offered to pray with me. Perbualan telah dialih bahasa ke bahasa Jawa:

"Jom laa kita doa sama2. Do you need to pray like that (sambil angkat takbir coz he once saw me performed my prayer)?" "Nope. Kita boleh je doa sambil tadah tangan." "Okayy then. If it is okayy with you, let us now start our prayer. You can pray to your God, I'll pray to mine. But we pray together so that you get better soon enough." Tacing beb wa cakap lu.  Sumpah tak tipu. Mau meleleh wa kat situ. Rasa macam nak pause je masa biar kitorg dua kekal kat situ je. 

And kalau part prayer during event tu semua, aku malas cakap laa. Sebab quite similar with ours. Tapi the main point yang aku nak cakap sebenarnya, nampak tak betapa kasihnya mereka, betapa sayangnya mereka dengan orang sekeliling mereka? Nampak tak macam mana dorg bawak agama dorg tu, which they believe is filled with love, and spread the love, kemanisan beragama itu kepada orang2 disekeliling mereka? Padahal dorg xkenal langsung pun beb. Makcik yg beli brownies, kalau kat Malaysia, kita ada ke nak tegur siap offer nak doakan untuk dia?? Ada?? Ada??

Kadang2 aku terfikir jugak, alangkah manisnya kalau aku mampu sebarkan seperti mana mereka sebarkan kasih buat yang memerlukan. Aku ingin menjadi seperti itu. Aku ingin pupuk masyarakat sebegitu. Aku ingin kita bawa apa yang kita ada ni, Islam kita, persaudaraan kita, ke peringkat yang seterusnya, lebih baik lagi daripada apa yang mereka paparkan. 

Tapi apakan daya, impian hanya tinggal angan-angan. Kisah terkemudian terlalu sedih buat tatapan. Sayang seribu kali sayang. Mungkin kita terlalu lama duduk dalam kepompong keselesaan, adat dan agama menjadi suatu yang tak mampu dipisahkan. Akhirnya, agama menjadi mangsa keadaan. A lil bit confusing but that is the ugly reality that we live in. 

A Story Behind It...

Well. It is just a continuation from yesterday's story. Okayy. I joined IV's events. I really had fun. The sense of belonging by being with them is soooooo strong. It is just that I feel so loved. They love me. I love them so much. I dont know why but I dont feel the same way whenever I am around "my kind". 

So basically, during that day, they invited a man to give a talk, and yes, the topic was about the Timothy verse, then they sing 3 songs for their beloved Jesus which are All To Us, Cornerstone and another one song which completely slipped out of my mind at the moment. 

Bukan nak cakap apa laa, but rentak lagu tu mmg sedap wa cakap lu. Tak caya, dengar laa sendiri. Masa dorg nyanyi tu, aku goyang kanan kiri gak laa ikut rentak dia. Tapi aku xnyanyi sekali, afraid that those things would make me admit their fact about their loved ones. 

But the most touching part is that when I looked at their faces while singing, something struck me from the inside. I was like literally jaw-dropped. Sangatlahh khusyuk mereka menyanyi. Nampak ikhlas sangat muka, I totally can feel that they really sang those songs from the bottom-estestest of their hearts.

Then, tiba-tiba hati terasa sayu dan pilu. Sangat sedih. Sangat sayang akan mereka, even more than "my kind". Tapi bila tengok mereka sangat percaya dengan apa yang mereka ada, I feel really sad to not be able to be with them in the Afterlife. Coz I know that no matter how much I love them, we just wont be together at the end.

That was the first part. The second part is that when I looked at the song, the meanings behind them, they are something that you could easily understand, as you could feel it while you sing it. Then suddenly, I remembered everything that I have back in Malaysia, what we have in Islam itself, about our culture, how we culturize (not sure if this word even exist) Islam, etc. Depa dok nyanyi, depa faham, depa hayati. Then I looked at myself. I dont even know Arabic to begin with. And then, tho we have all those supplications for Allah, our prophet Muhammad, I dont really know the meaning behind it, something that can make I feel it deep inside my heart. I was dumbstruck. Sad overwhelming. 

Reflect lagi diri sendiri. Time azan pun main2. Ada kita nak dok hayati and hormat ?? Time nasyid pun kita main2. Ada kita nak hayati maksud disebalik nasyid tu sendiri ?? Al-Quran xyah cakap laa. Pandai2 sendiri laa fikir. Dah besar kann.  

Sad on how I used to take things for granted. Sad on how I used to ignore all the little things that actually part of the BIG things. 

There is still lots of things that I want to talk about here. But it will just make the post long and boring. So, most prolly there will be a part 2. Maybe. Remind me if I forget. InsyaAllah.

2 Timothy 4

1 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge:

2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction.

3 For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.

4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.

5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

Ouh wait. What is this?? Something from the Bible??

Ouh yeahh. From the holy Bible itself. New Testament - 2 Timothy 4, as per the title. So what ??

What if I say "Yes, I read the Bible now" ??

This actually happened yesterday. I went to an event held by the Inter Varsity Christianity Fellowship, or in short, we call it as "IV".

I dont know why. Not saying that we should support Bible or the other religion instead of Islam and our Holy Quran. It is just that I feel like there is something that we should look at and ponder upon the content further beyond what our squinty eyes could see.

Just try and read it without any biased in your heart. You will see something deeper than this actually. However, it is not something that I should say here as my interpretations and point of views might be a little different or even totally different than the others. And I dont want my POV will somehow affect your ability in seeing things yourself.

Thus, enough said.

Actually, since yesterday, my mind was flooded with things that I have never imagined before. I feel like pouring them up here but there will not be enough space for all of them. Believe me. I tried. If and only if you wanna believe me.

Burnt Lunch

I just burnt my lunch. Yeahh my lunch. Rasa sedih sangat. :/ 

No lunch for me. :/ Dont feel like cooking some more. Roti pun xd. :/

Feel like crying. In desperate need of a hug.

Then... (jeng jeng jeng)

Memang sangat memerlukan seketul pelukan. Buat meredakan gelojak perasaan (cewahh) selepas lunch sendiri terbakar. Memandang kanan dan kiri, aku tau xkan ada pelukan yang bakal tiba. Mungkin kerana tiada mereka (Malaysians) di sini buat peneman jiwa. 

Then again... 

Even if I have Ain (Fall depan baru duduk sama), I still cant have the hugs that I want. Sekadar lunch yg terbakar, apa barang sgt laa kau nak mintak hug2 bagai ni kann?? Sedih broo sedih. Hati aku macam puding tau?? :O 

Then summore...

Aku ni besar, montel, empuk. Dr dulu aku je yg bg hugs kat org, protect org, make org feel better, in which I feel good doing em, I feel happy. I dont mind. But when I need one...

Sometimes...

I ask stupid questions to myself. Kdg2 I feel afraid of those questions too. Mcm mempersoal takdir pun ada. Why this?? Why that??

WHY?? WHY?? WHY??

Then...

NO !! I need to learn on how to comfort myself, to not being absorbed in those sad feelings, to see positively in every that happens in my live, to see things in another point of view.

CAKAP SENANG LAA BRO...

I wish...

To have a husband right beside me. (gatal -_-" ish ish ish...) Whom i can run to when I feel sad or anything, when I want a hug to comfort me or just wrap his hands around me whenever I feel like it. (Ni pasti gara2 overdose anime and Korean movies - Coffee Prince the latest. ehemm...)

But then...

I know it would be far away. Since I still have quite something in my hands to be taken care of. Plus, getting married is NOT in my future plans due to certain circumstances, in other words, I dont want to get married at all. But having babies is quite something thus making adoption quite an interesting plan for me. :D

Sorry for rambling around nonsense, crappy stuffs. Thanks for reading it till the end. 

:*