Deceitfulness Of Sins = Calluses

This is what I learnt from church two weeks ago. 

Hebrew 3. 

As usual, I wont talk about what Hebrew 3 is, bla bla bla. This time, Father Christ talked about the path of life, how it is not as straight as we believe it to be. He started his Sunday talk with a story of a gymnast. 

The gymnast will bring a razor to every practice and cut the calluses of his hands. It is to ensure that he will have a smoother hands for gripping the poles and stuffs.

Before the gymnast get this kind of calluses, he will grip on the poles till he bleeds his hands. After a while, the calluses will develop.

Father Christ somehow put calluses and deceitfulness of sins together. But... how does that work??

Okayy. Just imagine that our hearts and the gymnast hands are the same. At first, when we do a sin, our heart will say "NOOOOOO!!" and it will be painful to do that sin. However, if you do the sin continuously, just like the gymnast who practice non-stop, calluses will come to his hands and your heart. If the calluses on his hands are for protection against the friction of the metal rod, your calluses will protect you against your guilt of doing sins. That somewhat means that you wont be afraid of doing sins anymore, you wont feel guilty of doing sins anymore, you will feel that doing a small sin is okayy. Then as times passed, you will feel that it is okayy to do sins, even the bigger ones as you would feel normal doing it, your heart wont feel that doing it is a guilty thing to do. Hati mati. Yeahh. 

In other words, perseverance is a good thing, if and only if when you do good things, thus a good habit will develop. But perseverance is also a bad thing, when you do bad things, of course. -_- Just like the calluses that will surround your heart. 

Hebrew 3:13 - But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called "Today", so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

So, here, friends are very important in one's life, as a matter of fact, more important than family, if you live far far away from them. In fact, is still important tho you live with your family, as 3/4 of your time is used for your friends - chatting, gossiping, fb-ing, twitter-ing, etc. 

Friends = encouragement

But... what kind of encouragement does these circle of friends of yours give you?? A bad one or a good one?? Same as the perseverance.

You choose. 

Jamey's

Slave of sins vs living in Jesus : Fuhh. Quite a big topic we have here. :O

There's more to it than it meets the eyes. There are a lot of things that pulled my heart even closer. How they see things, how they accept things. Idk. It is hard to describe. This is what i got from the camp.

Distance : Our distance to God doesnt determine the accuracy of our relationship to God. 

My interpretation is like this. Kita nampak seorang hamba Allah ni alim sgt. But can we say that he is close to God?? Cant we say so?? I dont know. Coz we can never see what is behind the things that we are seeing. Can we judge people on how we see them?? What about the things that we dont?? Is it fair then to that person?? So in other words, if that person may look bad to you, that doesnt mean that he is far from God or anything. He might be closer than we could ever imagine. It is us who dont see things with our naked eyes. 

God = Life : Whoever rejects God, he has no life, or in short, die.

Every single thing in this world has no one definite meaning. EVERY ONE OF THEM. We can say that there are 2 types of death - physically and spiritually. There are people nowadays who are moving around and control the world but they are actually zombies, nothing inside their hearts, kinda holey. And vice versa, there are also people who have actually died, but they are still alive in terms of spirituality for example Jesus for Christians and Muhammad SAW for the Muslims. 

Simple disobedience : Adam and Eve

Adam and Eve disobedience may looked simple, but it has caused such an uproar on Earth. Have we ever think about even the simplest disobedience that we have made?? A simple disobedience, you might say, but have you ever wonder about during that simple disobedience, our heart actually says 'NO' to God?? Have we ever think about that?? It is a simple disclaimer of God we could say. I have been the word 'simple disobedience' a lot like a lot. Have you ever think about that?? The simplest you could ever think about - socks, hand socks, ikhtilat, lying or 'white lies' (some called it that), etc. Simple but we actually deny the presence of God?? Simple but we actually despise the power of God?? Simple but isn't it just the same even with the big sins that we have done?? 

I might say all this stuffs while I am actually swimming in sins, but it is not a wrong thing to do to remind each other right?? Just like how Allah teach us through Surah al-Asr. Coz I know that I am just a mere human. I am not perfect. I am not like our beloved prophet to not live in sins. But yeahh, we have each other, so, use them. In a good way I mean. Together to Jannah kann?? :D

Broken chains of sins : Everybody who believes in Christ is sinless.

This is an interesting part of Christianity, I would say. In her talk, Jamey gave us a picture. We are cuffed like a real cuff, with metal of sins. The chains of sins are BROKEN by Christ when he came to save them. And he picked all the chains up and took them away with him. "The chains are not chaining, but Satan is trying to put it back on you." Wonder why I capitalize the word 'broken'?? Coz the cuffs are broken, so it cant bind you anymore. 

That analogy is so interesting. In another perspective, Satan's attempt in making us live in sins. Can you see how we actually are not bound to the sins that we had done, or continuously doing, or are doing, etc?? Even out of habit that we do the sins, we are not tied to it. Satan is trying his best to make us feel like it. It is just your feeling and... Satan. :) You are stronger than you actually think you are. Like the analogy itself, when we feel like the sins have chained us down, it is just a mere illusions by Satan. They want us to feel down, they want us to feel hopeless, they want us to lose hope in God. Close your eyes... and deny the strong illusions of the chains which in fact are already broken and loosely hang on to us. Use your imagination and kick them away. 

So, those are the knowledge that I managed to chain down with my humanly strength. Bak kata Saidina Ali bin Abi Talib, tie science by writing. I have done my best so far. Wtv. So, there you go. :)

Camping Day 1

Now here I am, at the Lake Waubesa Bible Camp. Hooyeahh. I go to a bible camp now. So what do you want to do?? Hit me with a stick?? Go ahead. :P

So far, it was good. During the ice breaking session, Billy created a clap thing that requires us to move forward then backwards when we touch the person next to you. Guess what?? The positions were mixed up due to smaller groups from before. I was quite worried at first as to my left, there was Ben (I think that is his name. I think. Or is it Sam??) Nvm then. The game was about to start. I was like Oh no-ing in my heart. Who could actually hear it huh?? I guess God does. :) Coz pooff !! Out of nowhere, Kristi came and were squiggling in between us. I saw her about few spaces from me before. I didnt even know that she would do that. I didnt even know that she ever know what I was thinking. So, that touchy feely kinda things creep up inside me. I feel like hugging her really tight, squeezing the air out of her lungs. That is how much I love her that moment.

Then it was the discussion session. We were required to answer and discuss few questions. Those were mind-blowing. POOF !! There you go again. Hahaha I have never ask myself those sort of questions before.   Somehow those questions made me wonder about my real relationship with God. Have I done enough to please Him?? Do I really live because of Him?? Or do I only focus on temporary earthly things only?? Mindblown. No joke. 

The worshiping part. The songs have that kind of touchy feely too. Xtipu bro. Out of nowhere, I felt angry, I clenched my fist in my pocket. Chelsea suddenly came and hug me. I cried. Hahaha Silly me. 

I feel stupid. Really stupid.

Crying is stupid.

"Oh, how He loves us,

Oh how He loves us, 

Oh how He loves us..."

(How He Loves - the name of the song if you feel like finding it)

May tomorrow be a better day for me.

This is suppose to be posted 2 nights ago. But due to some technical difficulties, I wrote it down and only now I posted it. :)

Creeping Sadness...

These past few days were like roller coaster. Sometimes I was up, sometimes down. I have never thought about this before. So last night, those creepy sadness came again. I didnt know what to do. I tried to keep few hugs with me but once again, I failed. 

Today was exactly the same. It was quite slow at first, happy for a while, the by 2pm, I was surrounded by those creepy feelings again. I wanted to go home and end the day, but I couldnt as I still have classes till 8. I know, I know. There's still about 6 hours to go at that time. 

Too sad to function, with no one around me that I could claim a hug from, I ended up eating to all my heart desired. 

Finished eating all those only after 15mins. 

Yeahh I know. Tu bukan makan sebab lapar. Tu makan sebab nafsu. Setan banyak kanan kiri tau?? But I was so sad. I just cant help it. So what?? Aku xkacau org pun. 

Tho after eating those, the sadness was still creeping around. I tried to shoo them away. But they wouldnt move a finger (as if they have one. Hmmm) I looked around again. The area was empty. Not literally but empty laa. Haishh. Tak faham2 ke?? -..-

Only a salt shaker want to be my friend at that moment. :'(

Then, I stayed there for about an hour, resting my head against the window, looking out the window and at the floor alternately. How I wish to suddenly have a friend to appear behind me and pat my back. But that was just my imaginations. Pathetic. I know. 

On my way back to class, I covered my head completely, like a zombie crossing the streets. I havent feel like this for quite a while. Sometimes I feel like stopping my steps in the middle of nowhere and let everything sweep me away or even send me flying. Hahaha 

Okayy. If you understand it, shhh. Hahaha

Then, I cried. Hahaha Stupid me. Cried over nothing. Bahh. Another class went by. I didnt feel like participating at all. But I ended up did. Silly me. Again. 

Now still waiting for the last class. Discussion actually. I dont feel like going coz I want to go to a dinner by MJVI. I wanna go there. I want food. I WANT FOOD !! But aku masih mampu berfikiran waras. Mungkin. And I totally feel that I really should go to the discussion instead of the dinner.

Allah would give us what we NEED, not what we WANT coz the things that we want are not always good for us. He knows best. :) I believe that He would give me something even better than that. InsyaAllah. 

And after this one class, I dont feel like going home straight away. I feel like going to a place where there is only me and me and me. I know where that is. The place where my heart could wonder about everything, the place where I feel I am in control, the place where I am on top of everybody. Muahahahahaha

On the highest place, I'll be the lowest. 

At the big place, I'll occupy the tiny corner. 

Snow or chilling wind, my heart is still burning.

Cycle or walk, it doesnt matter. 

As long as solitude is my friend. 

Of God's Love, His Righteous Path, Wandering Heart, Curious Mind and Barren Soul

It was during class today. I got a message again from him. 

"Chicken wish bones out the window no matter what it looks like we've gotten 

we've got Gods favor through Jesus"

I just dont know why. But I felt so disturbed by it. I feel like something is trying to tell me something. But I just dont get it. Im confused. I understand nothing. At all. So on my way back from school today, I took a detour from my usual path home. I used the Lakeshore path instead. 

It was almost maghrib. So the lake, the scenery was a total bliss. 

Of God's love

 Can you see God's love through this pic?? It was one of the nicest thing, nicest art that He gives us on this destructive earth. Look at how He created the world. Out of perfection. But we, human, tend to destroy it. Then terfikir pulak pasal peralihan siang dan malam. Cant you see how beautiful is that?? Subhanallah. 

His righteous path

Just an analogy. Imagine that this is His. 

اهدِنَــــا الصِّرَاطَ المُستَقِيمَ

 It is not that straight like literally straight either. But along the path, untuk kembali ke Dia, it is not that hard, but it is not that easy either. I would say that it is tricky. I dont know how to explain it. But yeahh. Berliku-liku. Itu sudah pasti. But the end journey of it would be blissful. 

Wandering heart

This somehow portrays my heart the best. It has been wandering here and there. It is a lil bit confused now. Idk. But I know I can see the light from far below. It is just that Im currently stuck here, in between teh trees, in between the bushes. It is quite a long road, tricky. I wonder what would happen to me if Im lost in the middle of the journey. My heart is literally wandering right now. Im confused, bewildered.

Curious mind

This also could be used to represent me. Yess as the caption says. Im curious about everything. Every single freaking thing. And I am freaked out. 

UWAAA~ 

Barren soul

Yuppy. Again. The caption says it all. All of them do. This is what I feel now. Empty inside out. I feel like nothing. 

EXPOSED

Every single branch in my heart is. I dont know how to explain it. You figure it out. But yeahh. 

The journey made me ponder upon every thing. I am even more confused now.

O God, letakkanlah aku di bawah naungan kasihMu, rahmatMu. 

Protect me. Amin.

Broken

The sun rises everyday, as my hopes.

Confused, shocked, bewildered.

One path.

Shone but veiled thus dispersed.

Love, in seekers, it lays.

The conquerors, the answers.

Impossibilities

So close, yet so far. 

Snatching away, burning eyes.

Calm, peace, deep blue.

Dreams, as the moon and the sun.