Creeping Sadness...

These past few days were like roller coaster. Sometimes I was up, sometimes down. I have never thought about this before. So last night, those creepy sadness came again. I didnt know what to do. I tried to keep few hugs with me but once again, I failed. 

Today was exactly the same. It was quite slow at first, happy for a while, the by 2pm, I was surrounded by those creepy feelings again. I wanted to go home and end the day, but I couldnt as I still have classes till 8. I know, I know. There's still about 6 hours to go at that time. 

Too sad to function, with no one around me that I could claim a hug from, I ended up eating to all my heart desired. 

Finished eating all those only after 15mins. 

Yeahh I know. Tu bukan makan sebab lapar. Tu makan sebab nafsu. Setan banyak kanan kiri tau?? But I was so sad. I just cant help it. So what?? Aku xkacau org pun. 

Tho after eating those, the sadness was still creeping around. I tried to shoo them away. But they wouldnt move a finger (as if they have one. Hmmm) I looked around again. The area was empty. Not literally but empty laa. Haishh. Tak faham2 ke?? -..-

Only a salt shaker want to be my friend at that moment. :'(

Then, I stayed there for about an hour, resting my head against the window, looking out the window and at the floor alternately. How I wish to suddenly have a friend to appear behind me and pat my back. But that was just my imaginations. Pathetic. I know. 

On my way back to class, I covered my head completely, like a zombie crossing the streets. I havent feel like this for quite a while. Sometimes I feel like stopping my steps in the middle of nowhere and let everything sweep me away or even send me flying. Hahaha 

Okayy. If you understand it, shhh. Hahaha

Then, I cried. Hahaha Stupid me. Cried over nothing. Bahh. Another class went by. I didnt feel like participating at all. But I ended up did. Silly me. Again. 

Now still waiting for the last class. Discussion actually. I dont feel like going coz I want to go to a dinner by MJVI. I wanna go there. I want food. I WANT FOOD !! But aku masih mampu berfikiran waras. Mungkin. And I totally feel that I really should go to the discussion instead of the dinner.

Allah would give us what we NEED, not what we WANT coz the things that we want are not always good for us. He knows best. :) I believe that He would give me something even better than that. InsyaAllah. 

And after this one class, I dont feel like going home straight away. I feel like going to a place where there is only me and me and me. I know where that is. The place where my heart could wonder about everything, the place where I feel I am in control, the place where I am on top of everybody. Muahahahahaha

On the highest place, I'll be the lowest. 

At the big place, I'll occupy the tiny corner. 

Snow or chilling wind, my heart is still burning.

Cycle or walk, it doesnt matter. 

As long as solitude is my friend.